Close Encounters of the Nerd Kind
by Mushinoiki
Summary: Much to their chagrin, the Doctor and his companions are sidetracked by a stubborn TARDIS, a string of serial murders, and one fake psychic. So much for Rio.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Oh my, my first multi-chaptered fic. It's kind of exciting. Before we begin- This takes place basically right after "The Big Bang" for our Doctor Who friends, and after the most recent Psych season finale for the SBPD folks ('though the time doesn't feature quite as heavily for them); the rating is what it is for later chapters, and this has not been beta-read, so if I missed any typos, just lemme know. C:

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The Doctor danced around the TARDIS console, pulling levels and pushing buttons with his usual manic energy, quickly jarring the ship to life. "So, Ponds, still set on going to Rio for the honeymoon?" he asked, a huge, crazy grin plastered across his face.

"Of course!" Amy shouted over the creaks and bangs of the engines warming up. "You still owe us from last time!" as the ship lurched, she grabbed onto Rory's arm for support. Her new husband blushed happily at the small gesture.

With confirmation as to where they were headed, the Doctor renewed his frenzy of button mashing and lever pulling, even going so far as to stretch out a foot to grab a particularly troublesome lever out of his arms' reach. Finally, he gave pause and gestured towards a big lever with a red handle. "If the bride and groom would have the honor?" the Doctor grinned.

Smiling excitedly, Amy and Rory both took hold of the big red lever and pulled together.

The TARDIS lurched and shook as it made its way through time and space towards the intended destination. Eventually, with an audible 'thud', the ancient ship made her landing. All ready for some tropical relaxation with her boys, before they zoomed off to the corners of the universe for adventures requiring lots and lots of running, Amy leaped for the TARDIS' doors and threw them open with a shove. Then she stopped dead.

"Doctor…"

Recognizing the annoyance in his companion's voice, the Doctor wondered just how far off course they had flown. Again. Warily moving towards Amy and the open doors, he hoped that wherever they were, it wasn't bad enough to bring the full force of Mrs. Amelia Williams's wrath upon him. A cricket bat to the face was not something he planned on experiencing again anytime soon, thank you very much.

Peeking around the irate redhead, the Doctor was greeted with the scene of a small, moderately busy beach city. _'There's a beach… could be Rio, right?'_ he thought tentatively. But upon focusing his gaze a little closer to his ship, his hopes were dashed by a large sign.

'Welcome to Santa Barbara!'

Panicking, the Doctor began to do what he did best- ramble on as fast as he could in hopes that his stream of consciousness could distract whatever was focusing its anger on him. "Well! Okay, it's not Rio, but there's a beach, and I'm pretty sure this town is in California, which is lovey and _kind of_ tropical this time of year, well, at least in the southern bit of the state, so the beaches should be great, really, and look, little shops-!" Amy put a finger up to his lips, stopping the torrent of words.

"Fine." She grumbled, probably realizing there were hundreds of much worse places they could have landed. "As long as there are no lizard people this time around." At that, she grabbed Rory by the collar and dragged him out into the afternoon sunlight.

Relieved that Amy hadn't fought too hard over their sudden change of plans, the Doctor began to follow. Looking back into his beloved ship, a tiny frown creased his brow. Usually, when they landed somewhere unexpected, it was because the TARDIS had picked up on something that meant he was needed. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the time, this led to Bad Things, and he'd rather not ruin his friends' honeymoon.

Although, sometimes he did wonder…

"Do you have something _against_ Rio, my dear?" the Doctor asked with a smile as he turned to exit the ship.

The TARDIS' engines made a wheezing noise, and in the back of his mind, the Doctor knew she was laughing.

A/N: Whooo, introduction finished! The rest of the players, and the beginnings of the plot, will be introduced in chapter 2. Hope you like it so far.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hello again! Before I start anything, I'd like to thank everyone who favorited/ put an alert on the story. It's very encouraging to see interest in this. This chapter took an especially long time to write not only because it is LONG (1000+ words more than the last chapter I wrote!), but life in general kept me from doing any recreational writing. Finally, things get a little gory in this part. And with that, on with the show:

* * *

A warm summer breeze caressed the Doctor's face as he walked down the streets of Santa Barbara. It had been a tiring day, to say the least.

First, he had to dig several bricks of 21st century American currency out of the depths of the TARDIS (how and when he had acquired it he did not remember). Then, they had to find a motel that took cash but didn't look as if there would be a corpse hidden under the bed. Finally, the last straw for the already irritable Time Lord was the fact that not a single restaurant they looked at had a menu with decent food. After about the sixth café the Doctor had turned his nose up at, Amy had told him, with a dangerous look in her eyes, that if he was going to be so damned picky about where they ate, he could stop dragging her and Rory all around the city and find a place to eat by himself.

So, after swearing to his companions that he would meet them back at the motel in approximately two hours, the Doctor found himself wandering about a residential suburb, completely lost and collecting bemused stares from the occasional passer-by.

The sun was beginning to go down, and fewer and fewer people were seen on the streets. The Doctor decided that now would be the appropriate time to ask for directions, as Amy and Rory were the last people he wanted to call for help at the moment. He would never hear the end of it. Deciding to ask the innocuous looking elderly couple taking a stroll, he took a few steps forward- and froze. In the corner of his eye, he had seen a figure duck into the back door of one of the houses ahead.

If anyone other than the Doctor had seen someone going into the back door of a house, they would have assumed it was a family member, a lover, or even the house's owner slipping in. But the Doctor was the one observing, and in all of his 907 years, he had learned that if something looked even remotely suspicious it was probably Very Bad News.

Besides, there had been something off about the figure. Its gait was wrong, the way it held itself was wrong; everything about it had the Doctor's instincts screaming to run away and never look back. _Then again,_ the Doctor thought bemusedly, _I never do listen to my survival instincts, do I?_

He cautiously made his way toward the house, slipping a hand into his coat pocket to grasp the sonic screwdriver reassuringly.

* * *

It was the end of Officer Buzz McNabb's shift, and yet he was driving in the opposite direction of his home. Someone had called the station in a panic, saying that their sister had been missing for two days, and begged for a police investigation. Since McNabb was generally a nice guy, and generally easy to take advantage of as well, he was volunteered by his squad mates to go to the missing woman's neighborhood- which was half an hour away, despite the fact that his shift would be over in ten minutes.

A tiny voice in the darker corner of Buzz's mind hissed that this was not his problem and he should have left it to the guys in the next shift. He ignored it. This was an important call after all; three other women had gone missing, and then had been found dead several days later in the same area over the last few weeks, and it was likely that there was a connection. He could save a life.

Or find a clue before Shawn and Lassiter. Either one was good.

McNabb gave his dashboard clock a quick glance. Five more minutes until he got there.

* * *

The back door was unlocked, that was the first sign something was wrong. No one ever left the back door unlocked, no matter how idyllic the neighborhood supposedly was. The Doctor carefully slid the glass door open, trying to be as noiseless as possible. He thought he could hear something farther into the house. It didn't sound pleasant.

The second sign something was wrong hit his sensitive nose five steps inside the dwelling. The unfortunately familiar metallic scent of human blood wafted down the corridor, strongest from the room two doors from where he had entered. Upon drawing closer, the Doctor could see bloody smears in the entryway.

Reaching the room, the Doctor slowly looked in. Light peeked through the curtains to show a modestly furnished living room, and illuminating a body crumpled on the floor, blood splattered around it. Carelessly, the Doctor gave the room an only cursory glance before entering, in the hopes that there was something he could do for whoever was laying there, even though his common sense told him otherwise.

It was a woman, probably only in her mid-thirties, blonde hair fanned around her head like a halo. But her throat had been slashed, leaving a dark, jagged chasm in her neck. Her stomach had also been slashed open, and it looked like something had been… _feeding_ on the entrails. It looked and smelt as if she had been dead for more than a day. "What have they done to you?" the Doctor whispered to himself, a frown creasing his forehead.

The Doctor felt unease and slight nausea growing in his stomach. There were only a handful of species he could think of that could or would do something so brutal, none of which he wanted to encounter at the moment- or ever, really. It was time to leave, and leave quickly.

But then something moved in his peripheral vision. He turned, but not fast enough to stop something large and vaguely humanoid from barreling right into him.

It knocked the Doctor over onto an end table, tipping the piece of furniture over and sending a lamp crashing nosily onto the floor. The Doctor felt his head connect with the edge of the table, and for a moment he saw stars dancing in his eyes before they were replaced with the snarling visage of the creature attacking him.

Translucently pale hands grabbed at his jacket, far too pale to be human, and the fingers ended in sharp claws coated in sticky red blood that soaked into his clothes. It growled gutturally, showing sharp yellow teeth and blasting the scent of rotting flesh into the Doctor's nose. The rest of its face was obscured with a dark hoodie, old and tattered.

Dazed by the impact, the Doctor's oft ignored survival instincts finally kicked in. Keeping one hand up as a barrier between the yellowed teeth and his neck, the other plunged into his jacket and pulled out the sonic screwdriver. Cranking the settings up with his thumb, he turned it on.

A high-pitched screech erupted from the cylinder, making the creature reel back and off of the Doctor, clasping at its head in pain. Seeing an opportunity, the Doctor leaned forwards, increasing the pitch and driving the thing back, until it finally fled out of the room. He faintly heard it move down the hallway.

The Doctor slumped back, catching his breath and willing his hearts to slow down. He hoped that the alien had run away, because he didn't think he had the energy to fight it off again, what with the possible concussion and definite blinding headache on the way.

Sighing, the Doctor heaved himself off of the floor unsteadily, silently lamenting the ruination of his tweed jacket and shirt. He hoped he could get back to the motel, or maybe even the TARDIS, without the bloodstains on his clothing being noticed.

But then someone broke through the front door of the house, and he wished that the universe would just give him a break for once.

* * *

In the middle of McNabb's interview of the missing woman's neighbor, all hell broke loose.

The policeman and the neighbor were standing in her front stoop, discussing the comings and goings of the house across the street, when the two heard a faint crash from the home in question. Then, a horrible high pitched noise erupted, which made McNabb feel as if his head were going to split, and all of the neighborhood dogs began to bark in protest, adding to the cacophony.

Then, as soon as it started, the noise stopped. McNabb ran across the street, ignoring the ringing in his ears and the yapping dogs. There was some crazy stuff going down in that house, and it was his duty as an officer of the law to uncover what was happening. The mantra going through his head was the only thing keeping him from running back to his squad car and calling for backup before curling into the fetal position.

Unfortunately for all parties involved, McNabb approached the house from the front, missing a hunched figure run out of the back door and away from the scene.

What McNabb did encounter upon forcing the front door open was a living room occupied by a rather lost looking young man in a bloodstained shirt and bow-tie- with a mutilated corpse at his feet. "Oh. Hello. I can promise this isn't what it looks like…" he mumbled in a British accent and waved feebly the officer.

"Freeze! SBPD!" McNabb shouted, leveling his gun. Much to his embarrassment, both his hands and voice were shaking slightly.

The other man's hands shot up defensively. "Really, guns right away? I promise I won't try anything silly." He wobbled a little unsteadily. "Besides, I really hate guns. And being shot. Okay, mostly the 'being shot' part."

McNabb eyed the Englishman (or so he thought) warily. "Sir, you're going to have to come with me." He slowly pulled out his handcuffs and moved towards the strange man, eyeing him as if he would suddenly snap and try to bite, like a cornered animal.

The Doctor allowed himself to be cuffed, deciding that resisting arrest would not be good for his future health. Escape would be best left until his head stopped pounding and there was no one with a gun nearby.

A small sigh of frustration passed his lips as he was herded out to the squad car by the large policeman. His day had just gotten so much worse.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the lack of Shawn and Gus in this chapter, it just got too long to fit them in. :C But I promise they will be showing up next chapter, along with the humor.


End file.
